看后我没有回复，周一这一天哥哥都没有来实验室。
　　日期：2014-05-16 05:36:12
　　周二睡醒，收到：
　　“I know I screwed up, Sorry, Only because I like you so much. Alex also does I think. So can you forgive me? Forgive me and Alex. Let`s back to the beginning. Can we be friends again? This time I swear I will never hurt you again.”
　　我还是什么也没回。到了实验室发现哥哥还是没来，
　　日期：2014-05-16 05:43:23
　　下午收到短信：
　　“You can not just run away. It’s too easy.
　　I also did the same thing like you.
　　I used to be running away every time when I had problem.
　　日期：2014-05-16 05:44:01
　　You feel sad, you face it and you kill it.
　　That’s the way to solve problem.
　　Not always running away.
　　Do you understand me? You like Alex. You fight for him.
　　You accept your feeling, not hiding.
　　日期：2014-05-16 05:44:34
　　I don’t want more. Just need you sometimes be there, I need you.

　　You make me feel like home. I won`t give up on you that easy.”
　　日期：2014-05-16 05:46:45
　　哥哥回复：“You really can abandon everything? My parents want to see you again. Little Alex is waiting for you.”
　　当看到哥哥的信息里开始涉及家人，差点就动摇了。
　　我回复：“Just leave me alone. I will treat you like everyone in the lab. :)”
　　回复完这条,哥哥就没有动静了。
　　那天实验室忙完一个人坐火车去附近的小镇坐在河边喂鸭子，
　　因为知道自己已经在崩溃的边缘，怕自己忍不住，故意分散注意力。
　　日期：2014-05-16 05:50:31
　　周三来到实验室，哥哥还是没来，开始有点担心。

　　中午又收到短信：
　　“There is something I never told you before.
　　Did you remember the day when I first go to lab?
　　You were just coming out.
　　I opened the door for you.
　　And then you smiled to me and said “Danke”.　
　　You know how cute you were.
　　Did you remember the day I first took you to my home?
　　You afraid to go inside like a little chicken.

　　You said your mom never allow you to go to boy’s home.
　　I said to you “what the fuck what the strange culture. You already are a grownup. You should make your own decision.”
　　Then you smiled again and said to me “OK, I make my decision to trust you this time.”
　　Also that day when I had dinner with Alex, I told him I like you so much.

　　I had the feeling that I want to take care of you all the time.
　　Did you remember the day I send you home and said I already like you more than a friend?
　　When I back home, Alex asked me that if you and me already together?
　　I said “hmmm…it’s kind of strange.”.
　　Sorry, I didn’t tell him you like him.
　　I just couldn’t say it.
　　Then I told him I really really like you and want to try every way to be with you.
　　Sorry again I said that to Alex.
　　Maybe you will never forgive me.
　　So now I just want you to know everything.

　　I guess what Alex did on Sunday is not as simple as it looks to be.
　　Probably what he said was all on purpose.
　　On purpose to let you hate him.
　　I’m not sure. I just had that feeling.
　　That’s all I can say.
　　I can’t say more, because it also hurts me somehow when I explain it to you.
　　I know I told you to face the feeling.

　　But it is easy to say, hard to do.
　　Truth sometimes hurts, I also not strong enough to handle it.
　　Maybe it’s better for me to keep unknowing.
　　I really appreciate having you in my life.
　　You enriched it a lot.
　　At last I want you know yesterday I already told Alex that you just want to be friends with me. Nothing more.
　　But you have to know you`re important for me.”
　　日期：2014-05-16 05:51:53
　　我回复：
　　“Thank you for telling me that. I appreciate.
　　Sorry, I don’t think we can back to before again.
　　I know it’s painful.
　　But we can get through it.
　　Pain is also the part of life.

　　Just enjoy the pain and then you will feel the happy even more happier.:)”
　　这条信息发出去时，我意识到人是可以虚伪到什么程度，明明眼泪都掉在手机屏幕上了，却还能说出这种话。
　　日期：2014-05-16 05:53:11
　　周四哥哥还是没有来实验室，
　　快到中午的时候他的导师过来问我：“Do you have any idea where is D recently? I saw you two usually go for lunch together. I can’t connect to him.”
　　当时瞬间傻掉了，说了句：“ah..I will try to send a message to him. I’ll let you know if I got some information.”
　　然后给哥哥发了条信息：“why don’t you come to lab? Your professor just ask me where are you?”

　　一天都没有回复我。
　　日期：2014-05-16 05:55:58
　　3月14日周五的早上十点多，记得特别清楚，
　　因为从来没有收到过弟弟主动给我发信息，
　　“Come back, at least say something to D in person. He has depression. He even stop taking pills since you left.”
　　就是那天知道哥哥有抑郁症的。