《邂逅在悉尼——离婚大龄女与外国混血男的爱情直播》
第58节

作者: drunksnow
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  (就像我以前说的,我非常喜欢你,甚至在某个时刻爱上过你。我们有许多相同的地方,你有很多东西让我着迷。你看到的是真实的我,可惜你却从未相信过。为此,我很受伤)
  日期:2013-10-22 18:23:14
  “I didn`t know you loved me”
  (我从不知道你爱上过我)
  “look, trust issues”
  (看,信任问题)
  “when did you realise you loved me?”
  (你什么时候发现爱上我的?)
  “actually, after we broke up. my memory is bad, I could easily forget anything I don`t want to remember. keep myself stay positive and happy. but somehow, you, just stay in my mind, burned into my brain. you asshole!”
  (事实上,分手后我才意识到的。我的记忆力一向很差,我可以很容易忘记那些我不想记住的事情,使自己保持积极快乐的心态。只有你,不知道为什么,一直记在我的心里,难以忘怀。你个混蛋!)

  “So you remember my face?hmmm, not that one, the pretty one”
  (所以,你记得我的脸?不是这张,帅气的那张)
  真是服了这家伙,气氛如此紧张的情况下,他还有功夫开玩笑,被他气乐的我不禁否认记得他的脸。他脸色马上一沉:
  “I knew it! you forget everyting about me. I remember your face and everything else.”
  (我就知道!你完全把我给忘了。我记得你的脸还有你的一切!)
  “I remember you also. your face, your job, your nationality, your family background, your bday is comming soon!”
  (我记得你,记得你的脸,你的工作,你的国籍,你的家庭背景,你的生日马上就要到了)
  迫于无奈的我,开始细数对他的记忆,他的一切细节,随着我的回忆他的脸开始阴转晴,笑容渐渐回到脸上。他抬起手轻抚我额前的头发,顺手托起我的下巴轻轻吻了一下。本来无比甜蜜的时刻,却被这货莫名其妙的毁掉。轻吻过后,他忽然掐住我的下巴问道:
  “who did you kiss after me?”
  (在我之后你还亲过谁)
  “You really want me to count for you?”
  (你确定想让我数给你听)

  “be honest to me”
  (实话实说)
  “I never try to hide anything from you. I m dating guys after you.”
  (我从来没有刻意隐瞒过任何事,分手后我和几个男人约会过)

  “Neil.....”
  Matt几乎是从牙齿里挤出这个名字,“what else did you do with this Canadian guy?”
  (你还有他做过什么?)
  “we kissed and hugged.”
  (我们接吻过,也拥抱过)
  “Didn`t he wanna sleep with you?”
  (他没想过和你上床吗?)
  “You should ask him instead of me.”
  (这个问题你应该去问他)
  “didn`t you wanna sleep with him?”
  (你没想过和他上床吗?)
  “it`s none of your business.”
  (这事与你无关)
  日期:2013-10-22 18:23:44
  他紧紧的盯着我的眼睛,紧紧的抿起嘴唇,紧紧的咬着牙关,半晌不语…………过了片刻,嘴边挤出一抹讥笑的说:

  “if you didn`t wanna be with him or like him why kiss him?”
  (如果你不想和他在一起或者喜欢他,为什么亲他?)
  “I like him.”
  这句话我几乎是脱口而出,没有半分犹豫,话出口后连我自己都有些诧异。而Matt听到这句话后,也露出极意外的表情,眼中神色一闪,凝视着我,最终慢慢垂下眼帘,轻轻叹了口气:

  “oh, I see.....so...... do you want me to withdraw myself between you and him?”
  (哦,我明白了。所以,你希望我退出吗?)
  我望着他,心中极痛,“Sorry, I don`t know..... I don`t know the answer......”
  Matt听到我的话,一声轻笑,抬起眼再次望住我,长眉一挑:“You didn`t sleep with him, huh?You just kissed him, huh?”
  看到他的眼神和表情,我原本融化的心再次冰冻起来。他自始至终都不信我,以前没有,以后更不会,尤其是分手后,我约会其他人,他没有,他会永远记得这个差别,也会永远计较这个差别。如此相处,有何意义?
  “I shouldn`t put myself in this drama anymore, we are over then stay over.”
  (我不想再玩这种游戏,我们结束了,就结束吧)

  他望着我,一言不发,时间仿佛凝固在我们中间。往日的记忆一点一滴在我的脑海中流淌,眼前的这个人却逐渐模糊不清。在我的泪水倾占我的眼眶时,他从衣袋中拿出一个精致的小盒子,轻轻打开,将一枚戒指慢慢送到我的面前——
  “I was thinking of proposing you and get married in 2014. maybe we are not meant to be together. I didn`t know you would choose him over me. all this time I tot we would get back, so I didn`t date anyone, I tot you are mine, always mine. I m wrong. From now I will start dating, I will reture your keys, I will fully disaapear from your world.”
  (我本想向你求婚的,然后在2014年结婚。也许我们并非命中注定的一对,我没有想到你会选择他。我从未约会过别人,因为我以为我们早晚都会在一起的,我以为你是我的,永远都是我的。我错了。从现在开始,我会开始约会,我会归还你的钥匙,我会真正的从你的世界消失)
  他的声音,一字一句的钉在我的心头,眼中的泪水越聚越多,我却强忍着不让它们流下。我深深的呼吸,深深的呼吸,脑海中只有一句话:我不哭,我不痛…………。
  “all this time I tot we are finish, I tot we are just friends. becoz you said I m not the woman you want. I tot you chat with me when you are bored, I tot you just tease me by holding my keys. ”

  (自从你说我不是你想要的女人开始,我以为我们已经结束了,我以为我们只是朋友。我以为你只有在无聊的时候才想到和我聊天,我以为你拿走我的钥匙只是在逗逗我)
  “no, I hold your keys becoz I tot I will come back to you one day. I was planning to surprise you when I come to give your keys. I wasn`t teasing you, I never tease you. trust issues, you don`t trust me either.”
  (我拿走你的钥匙因为我知道我有一天会回到你身边。我本来计划在还你钥匙的时候给你一个惊喜。我没有逗你玩,我从来没有。信任,你也不曾信任过我)
  不知道是否自我催眠起了效果,我的眼泪渐渐消失于眼眶,心沉静下来,正确的讲,是木然了——
  “go for it, dating nicer girl and get marriage in 2014, send me invitation if you wanted. wish you all the best. ”
  (去吧,和更好的女孩约会,结婚,记得发我邀请贴如果你愿意的话。祝你万事如意)
  “you same, be happy with the Canadian guy forever, kiss him, have sex with him, he gonna love you more and more.”
  (你也一样,祝你和那个加拿大人永远快乐,吻他,和他**,他会更加爱你的)
  “yeah, you`re right, actually I should meet him tonight instead of tmr.”
  (对,你说得对,事实上我应该今晚就见他,等不到明天了)
  听到这里,Matt“啪”的一声将戒指的盒子关上,眼中神色凛冽如刀,忽然转身拉开门,走到楼道中的garbage room,打开垃圾道的门,将戒指用力扔了下去,安静的楼道使戒指下坠的声音异常清晰。然后,他开始疯狂的按电梯,我望着暴怒的他,心中一痛。不禁走上前拉住他的手说:
  “don`t leave.”
  (不要走)
  “don`t worry, I swear I will post your keys. I don`t need to hold them anymore." (别担心,我发誓我会寄回你的钥匙,我不需要再留着它们了)
  “I didn`t choose him over you. I have feelings with you while dating other guys, you must look down on me. there is no choice for me, do you understand what I m saying?”

  (我没有选择他,我在意你的同时却在和其他人约会,你肯定会看不起我。我没的选择,你明不明白?)
  “no point anymore, snow.”
  (没有意义了)
  他清冷的声音和神态,让我的心彻底失去所有的感觉。这时电梯门应声而开,我放开他的手,后退半步,冲他微微一笑:
  “ok, post my keys back and we are over. I won`t think of you anymore, I promise too.”
  (好吧,寄回我的钥匙,我们结束了。我也发誓,我不会再想念你)

  他面无表情的望着我说:“thank you!”
  然后放开拦在电梯门上的手,电梯将我和他彻底分隔……
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